The Borrower
I work with some very friendly and forgiving English teachers. They say there’s a balance when it comes to teaching staff – the worse the students, the better the staff. The warmth and good nature of our teachers is a glowing testament to how bratty all our kids are. When you’re constantly telling them not to jump out windows, you have to have a sense of humour.
One of these well-intentioned teachers is constantly asking to borrow things from me. Usually it’s something simple like ‘May I borrow your textbook?’ or ‘May I borrow your dictionary?’, and I’m more than happy to oblige. The other day she asked cordially ‘May I borrow an English book? Any book written completely in English – I want to show the students for an example.’ Sadly, despite having a good dozen books on and in my desk, they were all either Japanese, bilingual, or textbooks the kids had already seen. The exception of course, was the novel I currently had my nose buried in (there’s plenty of down-time at school, so keeping a novel in your drawer is essential). Now, I would’ve been happy to lend it to her for a class, apart from the minor inconvenience of having to stop reading it, were it not for the fact that I was reading Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk. For the uninformed, Palahniuk is the author of such gems as Choke, Survivor and Fight Club. Invisible Monsters chronicles the misadventures of a pre-op transvestite and an ex-model with half her face blown off, travelling the American countryside pilfering prescription drugs from the rich. Considering such subject manner, and Palahniuk’s exceptionally raw and often grotesque gift for prose, this is not exactly the kind of book I want my coworkers flipping through, and especially not showing to students.
Thinking not-so-quickly, I made a great show of looking through drawers and papers for an English book, meanwhile sliding the novel under a stack of kindergarten eikaiwa cards. At last I confessed I had nothing to offer, much to my coworkers disappointment. The following morning I presented her with a book I’d brought from home - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
On another occasion, the same teacher approached me with another odd request.
Coworker: Good morning. May I borrow a picture of your boyfriend?
A-chan: My… boyfriend?
Coworker: Yes. I want to teach students about past time, like ‘This is her boyfriend. She has loved him for 3 years’ or something like that.
A-chan: Uhhh… I don’t think I have a photo of my boyfriend on hand… sorry…
(Just to clear up the confusion – if you remember back to the incident with the kendo-playing highschool student and his mother, due to the overwhelming urge Japanese folks have to set me up, I’ve taken to inventing boyfriends).
Coworker: Oh, I see. That’s a shame. Well maybe another foreigner, we can pretend it’s your boyfriend. The students don’t know.
A-chan: Ok… let me see what I’ve got lying around…
I rummage through my desk and find the picture cards from my introduction lesson. I handed her a photo of Greenday’s Billy Joe. These ichinensei were only new, so hadn’t seen the cards before. Besides that, even those who had seen the cards, seemed to think that Greenday were either The Rolling Stones, or The Beatles. Yeah, they’re not so good with foreign bands. I figured I’d be safe.
She thanked me happily, insisting that this would be great. ‘How long have you loved him?’ she asked. ‘How… you mean how long have I been a fan? I don’t know… about 6 years I guess’. ‘Oh great! ‘This is her boyfriend. She has loved him for 6 years’. The students will be interested to hear that’. She scuttled back to her desk before I could offer any further protest. I’ll just have to accept that the students will think I’ve been dating Billy Joe for 6 years. This may make me sound like a bit of a skank, seeing as I told all of last year’s students that I was dating Johnny Depp. And for the record… she never returned the photo.
One of these well-intentioned teachers is constantly asking to borrow things from me. Usually it’s something simple like ‘May I borrow your textbook?’ or ‘May I borrow your dictionary?’, and I’m more than happy to oblige. The other day she asked cordially ‘May I borrow an English book? Any book written completely in English – I want to show the students for an example.’ Sadly, despite having a good dozen books on and in my desk, they were all either Japanese, bilingual, or textbooks the kids had already seen. The exception of course, was the novel I currently had my nose buried in (there’s plenty of down-time at school, so keeping a novel in your drawer is essential). Now, I would’ve been happy to lend it to her for a class, apart from the minor inconvenience of having to stop reading it, were it not for the fact that I was reading Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palahniuk. For the uninformed, Palahniuk is the author of such gems as Choke, Survivor and Fight Club. Invisible Monsters chronicles the misadventures of a pre-op transvestite and an ex-model with half her face blown off, travelling the American countryside pilfering prescription drugs from the rich. Considering such subject manner, and Palahniuk’s exceptionally raw and often grotesque gift for prose, this is not exactly the kind of book I want my coworkers flipping through, and especially not showing to students.
Thinking not-so-quickly, I made a great show of looking through drawers and papers for an English book, meanwhile sliding the novel under a stack of kindergarten eikaiwa cards. At last I confessed I had nothing to offer, much to my coworkers disappointment. The following morning I presented her with a book I’d brought from home - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
On another occasion, the same teacher approached me with another odd request.
Coworker: Good morning. May I borrow a picture of your boyfriend?
A-chan: My… boyfriend?
Coworker: Yes. I want to teach students about past time, like ‘This is her boyfriend. She has loved him for 3 years’ or something like that.
A-chan: Uhhh… I don’t think I have a photo of my boyfriend on hand… sorry…
(Just to clear up the confusion – if you remember back to the incident with the kendo-playing highschool student and his mother, due to the overwhelming urge Japanese folks have to set me up, I’ve taken to inventing boyfriends).
Coworker: Oh, I see. That’s a shame. Well maybe another foreigner, we can pretend it’s your boyfriend. The students don’t know.
A-chan: Ok… let me see what I’ve got lying around…
I rummage through my desk and find the picture cards from my introduction lesson. I handed her a photo of Greenday’s Billy Joe. These ichinensei were only new, so hadn’t seen the cards before. Besides that, even those who had seen the cards, seemed to think that Greenday were either The Rolling Stones, or The Beatles. Yeah, they’re not so good with foreign bands. I figured I’d be safe.
She thanked me happily, insisting that this would be great. ‘How long have you loved him?’ she asked. ‘How… you mean how long have I been a fan? I don’t know… about 6 years I guess’. ‘Oh great! ‘This is her boyfriend. She has loved him for 6 years’. The students will be interested to hear that’. She scuttled back to her desk before I could offer any further protest. I’ll just have to accept that the students will think I’ve been dating Billy Joe for 6 years. This may make me sound like a bit of a skank, seeing as I told all of last year’s students that I was dating Johnny Depp. And for the record… she never returned the photo.
